A journey through books I have read . . . and the classics I want to read.

I just spent the last hour searching for a list of "100 books you should read before you die" and there are a lot of lists out there. How do I know which one to pick? While pondering this, I decided that for now I would just make a list of the books I have read. I got this idea from someone in my Artists Way workshop. (Thank you. You know who you are!) I am starting with what I have read this year. I might try to tackle the challenge of attempting to remember the ones I have read in previous years but not at almost 2am . . . I really should be sleeping right now . . . and I'm back on topic!

And the list is as follows . . . although if you looked at the pictures at the beginning of this post you would already know what they are . . .

1. Dear John by Nicholas Sparks
2. The Glass Castle by Jeanette Walls
3. The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks

I am currently reading Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen. I just started this one last night. . .

Here is how this little book reading journey began. Last night I was in Barnes&Nobles with some friends just browsing books. I came across the shelf in the middle of the isle with the classic books on it. I started reading through some of the titles and realized that I haven't read any of the classics. I decided at that moment that I wanted to read some classic novels. I will make no guarantee that I will read the top 100 but I will read some that are on the top of my list which include: Pride and Prejudice, Little Women, War and Peace, Wuthering Heights, The Art of War, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, and The Great Gatsby. There are more that I am sure will be added to this list. I look forward to reading them, if only to say that I did. Anyone who wants to join me on this journey let me know!

Inner Critic - Are you ever going away?

Tonight brought some clarity and insight into my life. Actually this whole week has. Something just manifested itself and made a switch in my head. I attend a support group for recently graduated counselors and while processing with the group (who are some of my favorite people I might add)I came to the realization that I put WAY too much pressure on myself. There always seems to be this underlying theme of needing to be perfect or needing things that I do to be perfect. On a conscious level I know I am far from perfect and I am ok with that. But things always come up and that inner critic rears its ugly head. I was talking about some experiences I have had during my counseling sessions and told them that I tend to second guess myself about things. I wonder if what I said was appropriate or if I should use more caution with self disclosures or blah blah blah . . . I am always doing that. Then when I talk with someone else about it I always get validation that what I did was fine. Why is it so difficult to validate myself? I know hands down that I am a good counselor . . . dare I say a GREAT one . . . so why? *sigh* Maybe that critic is there to teach me. To teach me more about who I am as a person, an artist, and a counselor. Maybe it is there to keep my on my toes or to help me prove to myself that I am good at what I do and to be strong to fight against it. This inner critic is there in a lot of aspects of my life and I am just now realizing that. Knowledge is power and I intend to use it to gain further insight into myself. Sometimes this process can be a scary one. Sometimes I want to run in the other direction and sometimes I want to face it head on. I teach my clients all kinds of tools to help them gain insight into themselves and their lives and how to cope with things that come up. Just today as we were talking about change, I shared with them 2 quotes. The first being "The only constant in life is change" and the second "Trust the Process" . . . That is what I will continue to do! I say I want this critic to go away, but if it is there to allow me to learn and grow then it can stay for a bit. Just don't unpack your bags! I'm in the process of evicting your ass!!

An Amanda Original

I have mentioned this workshop I am taking called The Artists Way. It is helping me to further get in touch with my inner creative, my artist child. This workshop is something I look forward to every single week. I am learning A LOT about myself and it is helping me blossom and grow into an even more amazing woman (Yeah I said it, I am AMAZING!!). One of the assignments is to take yourself on an artist date. Basically an artist date is 1-2 hours of alone time spent nourishing your creative consciousness, your inner artist. Its a time to do something you WANT to do NOT something you think you SHOULD do. Its a time to let your artist child have FUN! I have taken myself on several artists dates, walking around Micheals, going to Sam Flax, spending some time in Spiral Circle/Avalon/Cassadega, going to the beach, just to name a few. Well last Tuesday I decided I wanted to create something. I didn't have anything specific in mind but I decided the medium I wanted to use was painting. All I knew was that I sat down in front of my canvas with happiness in my heart and a smile on my face (see previous post for the reason). I picked colors and just started to paint. I had no idea what was going to be created but I was excited to see what the finished product would look like. Now some may ask "Amanda, why haven't you painted on canvas before?" To all of you wondering here is why. It all comes down to one word . . . perfectionism and fear.(Ok. Ok so that is two words) I have come to realize that I was afraid that if I painted on canvas it "wouldn't be good enough", I would "mess up", or it just wouldn't be "perfect". Then I would have wasted my time and money. Well NOT ANYMORE! Because I AM AN ARTIST! I am no longer afraid of it. I will live by the quote "Don't erase a mistake, make it beautiful"! Everything I create is art. It doesn't matter if anyone else likes it because it is for me and not them! My art is to nourish my inner artist, my creative child and to feed my creative spirit!

"Life Isn't About Finding Yourself, It's About Creating Yourself"

No Expectations = Giddiness

Kissing is like dancing in the rain; it is an exciting kind of sensation that you can't help but fall in love with.


**sigh** (In a good way) Its nice when an experience comes along that just reminds you of how things can be. A recent lesson I have learned that has proven extremely valuable for me is to go into things with zero expectations. Today's Expectations are Future Resentments/Disappointments! I think it is unrealistic to think that I will be able to go into everything with no expectations but so far it has worked for me. I came home last night with a smile on my face and woke up today with a smile on my face even though I was tired as can be (it was REALLY past my bed time). It was such a great feeling. I haven't felt that way in a really long time. I almost started to lose hope that I would anytime soon, but see where having no expectations comes in handy. This feeling I am referring to is giddiness. Now with the help of my lovely best friend I have a definition for you: Noun: (n) giddiness, silliness (an impulsive scatterbrained manner) . . . yep! That was me all day! I’m thinking it may last a little while. At least I hope it does. Another thing I have learned is to hold onto the good feelings for as long as you can. Cherish those moments. Try to be able to picture them in your mind so if/when needed you can go back to that place. I will always remember the people who have put smiles on my face, regardless of the overall outcome. These moments and smiles and laughs are the important things in life!

Here we go . . .

So it's 10:41pm on a Saturday night and I am home creating a blog. Think what you must, but I am choosing to be where I am right now. I decided to create this blog with inspiration from someone I am taking a workshop with. This particular workshop is called The Artists Way. It is all about rediscovering and nourishing my inner creative and my inner child for that matter. I thought why not have this as a creative outlet as well. I don't know what will become of this. I don't know how often I will post, but I do know that I am looking forward to my journey. I only see my life going in amazing directions from here on out and this just happens to be one stop on that journey. I look forward to all I will learn and how much I will grow. If no one decides to read this blog, it will be ok. I am doing this for myself! If someone would like to follow me on my journey I welcome the company! Just remember to, like the title of my blog states, be prepared for some randomness and butterflies!