Tonight brought some clarity and insight into my life. Actually this whole week has. Something just manifested itself and made a switch in my head. I attend a support group for recently graduated counselors and while processing with the group (who are some of my favorite people I might add)I came to the realization that I put WAY too much pressure on myself. There always seems to be this underlying theme of needing to be perfect or needing things that I do to be perfect. On a conscious level I know I am far from perfect and I am ok with that. But things always come up and that inner critic rears its ugly head. I was talking about some experiences I have had during my counseling sessions and told them that I tend to second guess myself about things. I wonder if what I said was appropriate or if I should use more caution with self disclosures or blah blah blah . . . I am always doing that. Then when I talk with someone else about it I always get validation that what I did was fine. Why is it so difficult to validate myself? I know hands down that I am a good counselor . . . dare I say a GREAT one . . . so why? *sigh* Maybe that critic is there to teach me. To teach me more about who I am as a person, an artist, and a counselor. Maybe it is there to keep my on my toes or to help me prove to myself that I am good at what I do and to be strong to fight against it. This inner critic is there in a lot of aspects of my life and I am just now realizing that. Knowledge is power and I intend to use it to gain further insight into myself. Sometimes this process can be a scary one. Sometimes I want to run in the other direction and sometimes I want to face it head on. I teach my clients all kinds of tools to help them gain insight into themselves and their lives and how to cope with things that come up. Just today as we were talking about change, I shared with them 2 quotes. The first being "The only constant in life is change" and the second "Trust the Process" . . . That is what I will continue to do! I say I want this critic to go away, but if it is there to allow me to learn and grow then it can stay for a bit. Just don't unpack your bags! I'm in the process of evicting your ass!!
I'd say the reason you are so hard on yourself is not that you're fearing anything in particular but that you are striving to do and offer your best for a passion that has your heart? If you didn't have this "inner critic" as you call it, you wouldn't be open to accepting suggestions, positive encouragement, artistic exploration or motivation to always strive for the best in your life and the lives of your clients and loved ones. You would just know it all, have experienced it all, no need to learn or grow from experiences and then what good would you be to anyone? I don't feel this "inner critic" is a bad thing necessarily...I think we all need this to an extent for a reality check and for growth....To keep us in line with what our hearts feel in order to expand our knowledge, artistic abilities, desires in life and to have that validation that we are still capable of advancing in this wonderful life! =) You're an amazing Counselor...we all know this, you know this...but if you got the point where you walked around and knew everything...you wouldn't be living life or advancing like you are today. You would be stangnant...and boring I might add. LOL!! And someone with red hair like yours CANNOT be boring! Embrace this as a new challenge and accept that it will only make you stronger and the results will be amazing in the end! Love you girl!
ReplyDelete"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one."
- Elbert Hubbard
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