and I am ANGRY! This anger set in about 5 days ago. It hit me and hit me hard. I am so sick of having an eating disorder. Why cant I eat like a normal person? Why do I have to be on a fucking food plan and eliminate foods from my diet. Is it too much to ask to be able to eat just one fucking cookie and not want more and more and more. I just want to eat like a normal person. I actually hate the word "normal" when referenced to people so I guess what I mean is I want to eat like someone who isn't a compulsive over eater! I am tired of it! Just so exhausted of having to deal with all of the rules of what can and cant be done related to food. I am hoping this anger goes away soon. I don't want to mess up all the hard work I have put into this so far. I don't want to fail at yet something else! I keep saying to myself all the cliches that get thrown around 12 step programs like One Day at a Time and Progress Not Perfection and things like that but lately they have been pissing me off more then anything. I get them. Now that I too am in a 12 step program (OA for those who haven't caught on)they make more sense to me and I see how they work but sometimes I just want my feelings to be validated. I wish people understood how hard it is. I know some do and I don't want to minimize that but right now it feels like its just me. I know I am not alone and I have tons and tons of support but part of this anger is irrational and I know that. I am allowing myself this irrational time so I don't hold it in and it gets worse. I want this to go away not get worse but I also have learned that I need to validate how I am feeling too (hazard of being a therapist). Ok so enough of the angry ramble. I am going to bed. Thanks for listening.
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